Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
