smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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