You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
