my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
