You just made me feel so damn special
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
