fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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