I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
