if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
