Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
