Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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