I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
