You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
