it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
