There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
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I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."