My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP