Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?