you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there's paper in my vomit.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
