he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.