I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.