There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
