My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
