she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
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my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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