Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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