i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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