i don't like sucking hair
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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