the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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