My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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