Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
