This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
