is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
