There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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