My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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