Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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