There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
