Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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