According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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