can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
