You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
