I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
