It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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