i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
