He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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