so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
