I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
