i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
