It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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