i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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