I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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