i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
organizing the empties. That sober.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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