Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
