yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
