Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
