after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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