is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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