Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found your dick twin last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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