So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
