Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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