Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize