i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
