Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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