I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
