Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
