well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
