God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize