I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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